What it is
Erotic photography and filming range from suggestive portraits and boudoir-style images to explicit recordings of sex or play. For many people the appeal lies in being seen, in performing for a lens or in looking back at a shared experience. For others the camera adds an exhibitionist charge without anyone else ever seeing the result. Everyone involved must be an adult who agrees to every image that is taken.
Some partners enjoy taking intimate photos or videos of each other, whether for the thrill of being watched by the camera, for memories or for private viewing later. Images can outlast the relationship, and once shared they are very hard to control. Good practice treats consent to be photographed and consent to share as two separate agreements, and plans for storage and deletion from the start.
What it involves
- Partners agree in advance what will be photographed or filmed, on which device and for what purpose.
- The session itself may involve posing, directing or simply leaving a camera running during agreed play.
- Images are reviewed together afterward, and anyone pictured can ask for any image to be deleted.
- Files are moved to agreed, secure storage and removed from devices or apps where they might be seen or synced.
- Some couples delete everything after viewing, while others keep a small, agreed archive.
How to start
Talk about why you want images, who may see them and what happens to them if the relationship ends.
Begin with images that leave out faces, tattoos, birthmarks and recognizable surroundings.
Use a device you both trust, protected by a strong passcode, and turn off automatic cloud backup for the photos.
Review every image together right after the session and delete anything either of you dislikes.
Write down your agreement, for example in a short contract or a shared note, so expectations stay clear later.
Going further
- Experiment with lighting, angles and styling, since quality often matters more than explicitness.
- Move from photos to short videos only once your storage and deletion habits work reliably.
- Explore self-portraits or remote-shutter shots that let each person control their own image.
- If you consider hiring a photographer, agree on rights, storage and deletion in writing beforehand.
- Revisit your agreement regularly, especially when your relationship or circumstances change.
Safety
- Remove location and device data from images before they leave the original device, as many phones store GPS coordinates by default.
- Store images in a locked, passcode-protected place rather than a shared gallery, a family cloud account or a messaging app.
- Assume that anything sent over the internet could be saved, forwarded or kept on servers you cannot control.
- Check the frame for reflections, mail, documents, screens or windows that could identify you or your home.
- Agree how and when files, including backups, will be deleted if either person asks or the relationship ends.
Consent
- Consent to take an image is not consent to share it, and every form of sharing, even with one other person, needs its own clear yes.
- Each person pictured can withdraw consent and ask for deletion at any time, including after the relationship ends.
- Never photograph or film anyone who has not agreed, including other partners or people in the background.
- Pressure, threats or using images as leverage in an argument or a breakup is abuse, not part of a kink.
- Only adults may ever be photographed or filmed in a sexual context, without exception.
Warnings
- In many countries, taking or sharing intimate images without consent is a criminal offense, even if the images were originally made with consent.
- Once images are online, they can be copied and spread quickly, and removing them completely is often impossible.
- Adults whose intimate images have been or may be shared without consent can use StopNCII.org, which creates digital fingerprints of the images on their own device so that participating platforms can block them.
- If someone threatens to share your images, keep evidence such as screenshots, do not pay, and contact the police or a support service for image-based abuse.
- Leaked images can affect work, family relationships and personal safety, so weigh these risks honestly before creating them.
Good to know
- Many couples find that a few carefully chosen, anonymous images feel safer and more meaningful than a large collection.
- Boudoir and erotic photography are established fields, and professional photographers usually work with written agreements about image use.
- A written agreement about images can be part of a broader relationship or play agreement.
- The support services on our Helplines page can help if images are misused or used to threaten you.