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Kink and BDSM glossary
The words you will meet most often in kink and BDSM, each explained in plain language, with links to related terms and guides.
80 terms
A
- Aftercare
- The physical and emotional care partners give each other after a scene, such as water, warmth, reassurance and talking things through. Dominants and submissives both need aftercare, and needs differ, so plan it in advance.See also:DebriefSub dropTop drop (dom drop)Aftercare Is Not Optional
- Age play
- Role-play between consenting adults in which someone takes on a different age, often younger, for comfort, care or playfulness. It never involves real minors or anyone who cannot consent, and many age players keep it entirely non-sexual.See also:Role-playD/s dynamicAge Play: Ethical Considerations
B
- BDSM
- An umbrella term for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism. It covers consensual practices involving power exchange, sensation and role-play between adults, who can stop at any time.
- Bondage
- Restraining a consenting partner with rope, cuffs, tape, straps or furniture, for sensation, helplessness or aesthetics. Safe bondage means checking circulation and nerves regularly, never leaving a restrained person alone and keeping safety shears within reach.See also:RiggerRope bunnySuspensionShibariRope Bondage: Preventing Nerve DamageCuffs and Handcuffs: Avoiding Wrist and Nerve Injuries
- Bottom
- The partner who receives the action in a scene, for example being tied or spanked. Bottoms are active participants: they set limits, give feedback and can stop the scene at any time. A bottom is not necessarily submissive.See also:TopSwitchSubmissive (sub)
- Brat
- A submissive-leaning person who enjoys playful defiance: teasing, testing rules and making their partner work to keep them in line. Bratting is a consensual game both partners agreed to, not real disrespect, and limits and safe words apply as in any other scene.See also:Brat tamerSubmissive (sub)
- Brat tamer
- A dominant-leaning partner who enjoys the challenge of a brat, meeting playful defiance with agreed consequences or by outwitting them. It only works when both enjoy the game: real anger, humiliation nobody agreed to or punishing a genuine no are never part of it.See also:BratDominant (Dom)
- Breath play
- Any play that restricts breathing or blood flow to the brain. It is among the most dangerous practices in kink: unconsciousness, brain injury and death can happen within moments and without warning, and there is no reliably safe way to do it.See also:Edge playCollarBreath Play: Understanding the Deadly RisksPositional Asphyxia: Why Some Positions Are Dangerous
C
- Chastity play
- Agreed periods without sexual release, sometimes with a chastity device. Devices must fit well and be cleaned regularly; skin problems, pain or swelling mean the device comes off.See also:Orgasm controlD/s dynamicOrgasm Control and Chastity: Health Considerations
- Check-in
- A quick question or signal during or after a scene to confirm that a partner is still okay, such as "What color are you?". Regular check-ins keep consent ongoing, and a follow-up check-in a day or two later helps catch sub drop or top drop.
- CNC (consensual non-consent)
- A form of role-play in which partners agree in advance to act out a scenario where consent appears to be absent. The consent is real: it is given beforehand, in a detailed negotiation of exactly what may happen, what is off limits and how anyone can stop. CNC requires deep, established trust, a safe word or signal that stays valid the whole time and careful aftercare. It is an advanced practice for experienced partners, never something to try with someone new, and never an excuse to ignore a real no.See also:NegotiationSafe wordHard limitAftercare
- Collar
- A band worn around the neck, often as a symbol of a D/s relationship or ownership agreed between partners. A collar must never restrict breathing or blood flow: it should be loose enough for two fingers and must not be used to pull or hang weight from.See also:D/s dynamicM/s (Master/slave)Neck Safety: Collars, Hands and Pressure
- Consent
- A freely given, informed, enthusiastic and ongoing agreement to take part in a specific activity. Consent can be withdrawn at any time, silence is not consent, and agreeing to one thing does not mean agreeing to everything.See also:Enthusiastic consentInformed consentConsent Is Ongoing, Not One-Time
D
- D/s dynamic
- The overall structure of a dominant and submissive relationship, including roles, rules and how much of daily life it covers (for example scene-only, bedroom-only or 24/7). Healthy dynamics rest on clear communication, mutual satisfaction and regular renegotiation.See also:Dominant (Dom)Submissive (sub)M/s (Master/slave)
- Debrief
- A conversation after a scene, often a day or two later, about what felt good, what did not and what to change next time. It is part of aftercare and helps partners learn about each other.See also:AftercareNegotiationSub dropDebriefing After a Scene
- Dominant (Dom)
- The partner who takes the lead in a consensual power exchange. A dominant guides the experience within negotiated limits and is responsible for their partner's physical and emotional safety during a scene.
- Domme
- A woman or femme person in the dominant role. Some people use it for any dominant who is not a man. As with any dominant, responsibility for the partner's safety comes with the role.See also:Dominant (Dom)D/s dynamicPower Exchange: Maintaining Safety
- Dungeon
- A room or venue equipped for BDSM play, from a private playroom to a club. Public dungeons usually have house rules, consent rules and staff who watch over safety.See also:Dungeon monitor (DM)Play partyDungeon and Event Etiquette
- Dungeon monitor (DM)
- A person at a play party or club who watches over safety and consent rules, helps in emergencies and can stop a scene. If something feels wrong, tell a DM.See also:DungeonPlay partyDungeon and Event Etiquette
E
- Edge play
- Activities with a higher inherent risk of serious physical or psychological harm, such as breath play, knife play or fire play. Where the line lies differs between people, but all edge play requires advanced knowledge, thorough education, detailed negotiation and emergency preparation. It is not for beginners.See also:RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink)NegotiationBreath playKnife play
- Electrostimulation (e-stim)
- Play with devices that send mild electrical current through the skin. Use only devices made for the body, never run current across the chest or through the heart, and avoid it entirely with a pacemaker, heart condition or epilepsy.See also:Sensation playEdge playElectrical Play: Safe Devices OnlyKink With Asthma, Diabetes, Epilepsy or a Heart Condition
- Enthusiastic consent
- Consent that is clear, freely given and wanted, not just the absence of a no. Look for an active yes in words and body language, and treat hesitation, silence or "I guess" as a reason to pause and ask.See also:ConsentInformed consentCheck-inConsent Is Ongoing, Not One-Time
F
- Fetish
- A strong sexual or sensual interest in a specific object, material, body part or situation, such as leather, latex or feet. A fetish is a preference, not a disorder, as long as everyone involved consents and nobody is harmed.See also:KinkLeather (leather community)Squick
- Flogging
- Impact play with a flogger, a handle with many soft or firm tails. Floggers can feel like a massage or sting sharply; aim for well-padded areas such as the upper back and buttocks, and avoid the spine, kidneys and neck.See also:Impact playSpankingSensation playImpact Play: Safe Zones and Danger Zones
G
- Gag
- A device that muffles speech, such as a ball gag or a cloth. A gag takes away the safe word, so agree on a non-verbal signal first, keep breathing through the nose easy and never gag someone with a blocked nose or nausea.See also:Safe wordNon-verbal safe signalSensory deprivationGag Safety and CommunicationNon-Verbal Safe Signals
H
- Hard limit
- An absolute boundary: something a person will not do under any circumstances. Unlike a soft limit, it is not open to discussion before or during a scene, needs no justification, and nobody should try to talk someone out of it.See also:Soft limitNegotiation
- Humiliation play
- Consensual play with embarrassment or degradation, through words, tasks or situations. Because it touches self-worth, negotiate exact words and topics that are off limits, and plan careful aftercare.See also:Hard limitAftercareDebriefConsensual Humiliation: Navigating Emotional RiskShame and Guilt After a Scene
I
- Impact play
- Striking the body with a hand or an implement such as a paddle, flogger or cane, for sensation or psychological effect. Aim only at well-padded areas like the buttocks and thighs, avoid the spine, kidneys, joints and head, and build intensity gradually.See also:SpankingFloggingSadismImpact Play: Safe Zones and Danger Zones
- Informed consent
- Agreement given with a real understanding of what an activity involves, including its risks. In kink this means explaining what you plan to do, what could go wrong and how to stop, before anyone says yes.See also:ConsentEnthusiastic consentRACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink)Scene Negotiation: Never Skip This Step
K
- Kink
- Any consensual sexual or intimate practice outside of what is usually considered conventional. BDSM is one part of kink, which also includes role-play, fetishes and many other interests.See also:FetishVanillaYKINMKBYKIOK
- Kinkster
- An informal word for a person who enjoys kink. It describes an interest, not an identity anyone has to take on.See also:KinkVanillaMunch
- Knife play
- Using a blade for sensation and psychological intensity, usually the fear of a cut rather than cutting. It is edge play: sharp blades can cause serious injuries, so learn safe technique first and agree exactly what the blade may and may not do.See also:Edge playSensation playKnife Play: Psychological and Physical Safety
L
- Leather (leather community)
- Both a material many people find erotic and a long-standing community, rooted in gay leather culture, with its own traditions, events and codes of mentoring and respect. Being part of the leather community is about values and belonging as much as clothing.See also:FetishMunch
M
- M/s (Master/slave)
- A form of power exchange between adults in which one partner takes on deep, often ongoing authority and the other agrees to serve. It is chosen and negotiated, both keep their basic rights, and the arrangement can be reviewed or ended at any time.See also:D/s dynamicPower exchangeProtocolPower Exchange: Maintaining SafetyBDSM Within Healthy Relationships
- Masochism
- In BDSM, enjoying receiving pain or intense sensation in a consensual setting. Masochists set their own limits and can stop at any time; enjoying pain in a scene says nothing about wanting to be hurt in everyday life.See also:SadismSadomasochism (S/M)SubspaceMarking and Bruising: When to Worry
- Munch
- A casual social meetup for people interested in kink, usually in a café, restaurant or bar, with everyday clothes and no play. Munches are a low-pressure way for beginners to meet the community, ask questions and hear about events. Nobody has to share anything they do not want to, and it is fine to just listen.See also:Play party
N
- Negotiation
- The conversation before any play in which partners agree on activities, limits, safe words, roles, health concerns and aftercare. Negotiate while sober and outside of a scene, and renegotiate whenever needs change.See also:Yes/no/maybe listHard limitSoft limitScene Negotiation: Never Skip This Step
- Non-verbal safe signal
- A gesture or action that means "stop" when speaking is not possible, for example dropping an object, tapping out or a set hand signal. Agree on it before any gag, hood or intense scene, and practice it once.See also:Safe wordGagTraffic light systemNon-Verbal Safe Signals
O
- Orgasm control
- Play in which one partner decides when, or whether, the other may orgasm, for example through edging or denial. Agree on time frames and limits, and keep physical comfort and health in mind.See also:Chastity playD/s dynamicOrgasm Control and Chastity: Health Considerations
P
- Pet play
- Role-play in which one adult takes on the behavior of an animal, such as a puppy or kitten, and another acts as owner or handler. It can be playful, caring or about power exchange; watch knees, wrists and joints when crawling for long.See also:Role-playPrimal playCollarPet and Animal Play: Physical and Social Safety
- Play partner
- Someone you share kink or BDSM activities with, who may or may not also be a romantic or sexual partner. The same rules for negotiation, consent and aftercare apply.
- Play party
- A private or club event where people can play in shared spaces. Good parties have clear house rules, consent rules such as asking before joining or touching, and dungeon monitors who keep an eye on safety. Watching is usually allowed only from a respectful distance, and nobody is obliged to play.See also:MunchConsentNegotiation
- Power exchange
- A consensual arrangement in which one partner gives some control to another, for a single scene or a longer period. It only works within negotiated limits, and either partner can end it at any time.
- PRICK (Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink)
- A safety philosophy that stresses each person taking responsibility for their own choices, learning about the risks involved and keeping consent ongoing.
- Primal play
- Instinctive, physical play such as wrestling, chasing, growling or biting, with less talking and more raw energy. Because it can get rough quickly, agree beforehand on limits, safe zones on the body and a clear way to stop.See also:Pet playNon-verbal safe signalNon-Verbal Safe Signals
R
- RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink)
- A safety framework that accepts that no activity is entirely without risk. Participants learn about the specific risks, accept them knowingly and agree to the activity together.See also:SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual)PRICK (Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink)Edge play
- Rigger
- The person who ties in rope bondage. A good rigger knows where nerves are at risk, checks in constantly, keeps safety shears within reach and stays with the person in rope the whole time.See also:Rope bunnyBondageShibariSuspensionRope Bondage: Preventing Nerve Damage
- Role-play
- Acting out agreed characters or scenarios, such as teacher and student or stranger and stranger. Clear limits, a safe word that works even "in character" and a debrief afterward help keep fantasy and reality apart.See also:CNC (consensual non-consent)Age playPet playDebriefScene Planning and Structure
- Rope bunny
- An affectionate name for someone who enjoys being tied in rope. Rope bunnies are active partners in the scene: they report numbness or pain right away and have every right to stop.See also:RiggerBondageShibariRope Bondage: Preventing Nerve Damage
S
- Sadism
- In BDSM, enjoying giving pain or intense sensation to a partner who wants to receive it. Consensual sadism is about shared pleasure within negotiated limits and depends on close attention to the partner; it has nothing to do with harming someone against their will.See also:MasochismSadomasochism (S/M)Impact playImpact Play: Safe Zones and Danger Zones
- Sadomasochism (S/M)
- Consensual play in which one partner gives and the other receives pain or intense sensation, for pleasure, release or connection. It is the S/M in BDSM and rests on negotiation, safe words and aftercare.See also:SadismMasochismBDSMImpact Play: Safe Zones and Danger Zones
- Safe call
- An arrangement with a trusted friend before meeting a new partner: you share where you will be and when, and check in at an agreed time. If the check-in does not happen, the friend follows the plan you made, up to calling for help.See also:MunchNegotiationOnline Dating and Meeting SafetyRed Flags: Recognizing Unsafe Partners
- Safe word
- A word, phrase or non-verbal signal agreed in advance that pauses or stops all activity immediately. Many people use the traffic light system (red, yellow, green). Using a safe word is responsible communication, never a failure.See also:Non-verbal safe signalTraffic light systemSafe Words: Your Most Important Tool
- Scene
- A planned BDSM session whose activities, limits, roles and duration are negotiated beforehand. A scene usually moves from negotiation and setup, through the agreed activities, to aftercare and a debrief.See also:NegotiationAftercareDebrief
- Sensation play
- Exploring different feelings on the skin, from feathers and fur to ice, wax or pinwheels. It is a gentle way into kink and works especially well with a blindfold and frequent check-ins.See also:Sensory deprivationTemperature playWax play
- Sensory deprivation
- Reducing one or more senses with blindfolds, earplugs, hoods or restraint, which can heighten touch and anticipation. Because the person cannot see or hear warning signs, agree on a signal that still works, keep the airway free and check in often.See also:Sensation playGagCheck-inSensory Deprivation: Staying ConnectedHoods, Masks and Airflow
- Service submission
- Submission expressed through acts of service, such as cooking, cleaning or caring for a partner. Service subs find fulfillment in being useful; the tasks and limits are agreed like in any other dynamic.See also:Submissive (sub)ProtocolD/s dynamic
- Shibari
- A style of rope bondage shaped by Japanese traditions, valued for its aesthetics, sensations and connection between the people involved. Also called Kinbaku. Floorwork is where everyone starts; suspension needs in-person training.See also:RiggerRope bunnyBondageSuspensionRope Care and Maintenance
- Soft limit
- Something a person feels hesitant about but might explore under specific conditions, for example with a trusted partner, after careful discussion and with extra check-ins. Unlike a hard limit it is negotiable, but it is never an invitation to push, and it can become a hard limit at any time.See also:Hard limitCheck-in
- Spanking
- Striking the buttocks with a hand or a tool such as a paddle, for sensation, play or discipline role-play. Warm up gradually, stay on the fleshy part of the buttocks and away from the tailbone, kidneys and lower back.See also:Impact playFloggingBratImpact Play: Safe Zones and Danger ZonesMarking and Bruising: When to Worry
- Squick
- A strong personal "no thanks" reaction to an activity that someone else enjoys. A squick is about your own taste, not a judgment of others; it is a perfectly good reason for a hard limit.See also:YKINMKBYKIOKHard limit
- SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual)
- A traditional safety framework: take precautions to keep risk low, make sure everyone is clear-headed, and get informed, enthusiastic consent from everyone involved. It is a good starting point for beginners, although some people find the words "safe" and "sane" too vague.See also:RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink)PRICK (Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink)
- Sub drop
- A physical and emotional low that can follow an intense scene, often hours or a day or two later. During play the body releases adrenaline and endorphins; as these levels fall again, people can feel tired, sad, anxious, shaky, cold or unexpectedly tearful. It is a normal reaction, not a sign that something went wrong. Aftercare, rest, food, water and staying in touch help, and a drop that is severe or lasts for days is a reason to seek professional support.See also:AftercareTop drop (dom drop)Aftercare Is Not OptionalSub Drop: Prevention and Management
- Sub frenzy
- The urge many newcomers feel to try everything at once, often with too little caution about partners or risks. Slowing down, meeting new people in public and building trust gradually help protect against it.
- Submissive (sub)
- The partner who chooses to hand over control to a dominant within negotiated boundaries. Submission is an active choice: a submissive keeps their agency, can use a safe word at any time and can withdraw consent whenever they need to.
- Subspace
- An altered, often euphoric or floaty state a submissive may enter during an intense scene, driven by endorphins and adrenaline. A person in subspace may find it hard to speak or judge risk, so their partner needs to watch over them closely.
- Suspension
- Bondage in which rope or equipment carries part or all of a person's body weight. It is the highest-risk form of bondage, with dangers such as nerve damage, fainting and falls, and should only be done by trained riggers with suitable rope and load-rated hard points.See also:BondageRiggerShibariEdge playSuspension Bondage: Advanced Risk ManagementBondage Furniture and Anchor Points
- Switch
- Someone who enjoys both dominant and submissive roles, depending on the partner, the scene or their mood. Being a switch reflects versatility, not indecision.See also:TopBottomDominant (Dom)Submissive (sub)
T
- Temperature play
- Play with warmth and cold, such as ice cubes, chilled or warmed toys or wax. Test temperatures on yourself first, move objects often and avoid long contact with very cold or hot surfaces.See also:Wax playSensation playTemperature Play: Hot and Cold Safety
- Top
- The partner who does the action in a scene: ties the rope, gives the spanking or leads the activity. Topping describes the activity, not necessarily power: a top is not always dominant, and a top still needs the bottom's consent and feedback the whole time.See also:BottomSwitchDominant (Dom)
- Top drop (dom drop)
- The same kind of low after a scene, felt by the dominant or top. Once the focus and adrenaline of being responsible for someone fade, tops can feel exhausted, empty, guilty or unsure whether they went too far. It is common and does not mean anything went wrong. Tops need aftercare too: reassurance from their partner, rest and a check-in in the days after.See also:AftercareSub dropAftercare Is Not OptionalDom Drop: Tops Need Aftercare Too
- Topping from the bottom
- When the receiving partner steers a scene beyond what was agreed, for example by constantly directing what should happen next. Giving feedback and using limits is always fine; it becomes an issue when it undermines the roles both chose, which is best talked through afterward.See also:TopBottomDebrief
V
- Vanilla
- Sex, relationships or people without kink or BDSM elements. The word is descriptive, not a judgment: vanilla preferences are just as valid, and many kinky people enjoy vanilla intimacy too.See also:Kink
- Veto
- The right of a person to stop or rule out an activity, a scene or a new partner. In relationships, partners sometimes agree on veto rights over each other's play; like all agreements, these should be discussed openly and can be renegotiated.See also:Hard limitNegotiationRenegotiation: When and How to Update Agreements
W
- Wax play
- Dripping melted candle wax onto the skin for warmth and sensation. Use low-temperature candles made for body play, test on your own inner forearm first and drip from a height; never use beeswax or ordinary decorative candles.See also:Temperature playSensation playWax Play: Temperature and Safety
Y
- Yes/no/maybe list
- A checklist of activities that each partner marks as yes, no or maybe. It makes it easier to talk about wishes and limits, and works best as a starting point for a conversation, not as a contract.See also:NegotiationHard limitSoft limitUsing Negotiation Checklists Effectively