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Kink and BDSM glossary

The words you will meet most often in kink and BDSM, each explained in one or two sentences.

30 terms

A

Aftercare: The physical and emotional care partners give each other after a scene, such as water, warmth, reassurance and talking things through. Dominants and submissives both need aftercare, and needs differ, so plan it in advance.

B

BDSM: An umbrella term for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism. It covers consensual practices involving power exchange, sensation and role-play between adults, who can stop at any time.

C

Check-in: A quick question or signal during or after a scene to confirm that a partner is still okay, such as "What color are you?". Regular check-ins keep consent ongoing, and a follow-up check-in a day or two later helps catch sub drop or top drop.
CNC (consensual non-consent): A form of role-play in which partners agree in advance to act out a scenario where consent appears to be absent. It requires extensive negotiation, deep trust and a reliable safe word, and is suitable only for experienced partners.
Consent: A freely given, informed, enthusiastic and ongoing agreement to take part in a specific activity. Consent can be withdrawn at any time, silence is not consent, and agreeing to one thing does not mean agreeing to everything.

D

D/s dynamic: The overall structure of a dominant and submissive relationship, including roles, rules and how much of daily life it covers (for example scene-only, bedroom-only or 24/7). Healthy dynamics rest on clear communication, mutual satisfaction and regular renegotiation.
Dominant (Dom): The partner who takes the lead in a consensual power exchange. A dominant guides the experience within negotiated limits and is responsible for their partner's physical and emotional safety during a scene.

E

Edge play: Activities with a higher risk of serious physical or psychological harm, such as breath play, knife play or fire play. Edge play is not for beginners and requires thorough education, detailed negotiation and emergency preparation.

H

Hard limit: An absolute boundary that is never crossed under any circumstances. Hard limits need no justification, and nobody should try to talk someone out of them.

I

Impact play: Striking the body with a hand or an implement such as a paddle, flogger or cane, for sensation or psychological effect. Aim only at well-padded areas like the buttocks and thighs, avoid the spine, kidneys, joints and head, and build intensity gradually.

K

Kink: Any consensual sexual or intimate practice outside of what is usually considered conventional. BDSM is one part of kink, which also includes role-play, fetishes and many other interests.

N

Negotiation: The conversation before any play in which partners agree on activities, limits, safe words, roles, health concerns and aftercare. Negotiate while sober and outside of a scene, and renegotiate whenever needs change.

P

Play partner: Someone you share kink or BDSM activities with, who may or may not also be a romantic or sexual partner. The same rules for negotiation, consent and aftercare apply.
Power exchange: A consensual arrangement in which one partner gives some control to another, for a single scene or a longer period. It only works within negotiated limits, and either partner can end it at any time.
PRICK (Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink): A safety philosophy that stresses each person taking responsibility for their own choices, learning about the risks involved and keeping consent ongoing.
Protocol: Agreed rules, rituals or forms of behavior within a power exchange dynamic, such as how partners address each other. Protocols are negotiated, serve both partners and can be changed or dropped at any time.

R

RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink): A safety framework that accepts that no activity is entirely without risk. Participants learn about the specific risks, accept them knowingly and agree to the activity together.

S

Safe word: A word, phrase or non-verbal signal agreed in advance that pauses or stops all activity immediately. Many people use the traffic light system (red, yellow, green). Using a safe word is responsible communication, never a failure.
Scene: A planned BDSM session whose activities, limits, roles and duration are negotiated beforehand. A scene usually moves from negotiation and setup, through the agreed activities, to aftercare and a debrief.
Soft limit: An activity someone feels hesitant about but might explore under specific conditions, after careful discussion and with extra check-ins. A soft limit is not an invitation to push, and it can become a hard limit at any time.
SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual): A traditional safety framework: take precautions to keep risk low, make sure everyone is clear-headed, and get informed, enthusiastic consent from everyone involved. It is a good starting point for beginners, although some people find the words "safe" and "sane" too vague.
Sub drop: An emotional and physical low that can follow an intense scene by hours or days, as endorphin and adrenaline levels return to normal. Common signs are sadness, anxiety, fatigue and tearfulness. Aftercare, rest and staying in touch help; severe or lasting drops call for professional support.
Sub frenzy: The urge many newcomers feel to try everything at once, often with too little caution about partners or risks. Slowing down, meeting new people in public and building trust gradually help protect against it.
Submissive (sub): The partner who chooses to hand over control to a dominant within negotiated boundaries. Submission is an active choice: a submissive keeps their agency, can use a safe word at any time and can withdraw consent whenever they need to.
Subspace: An altered, often euphoric or floaty state a submissive may enter during an intense scene, driven by endorphins and adrenaline. A person in subspace may find it hard to speak or judge risk, so their partner needs to watch over them closely.
Switch: Someone who enjoys both dominant and submissive roles, depending on the partner, the scene or their mood. Being a switch reflects versatility, not indecision.

T

Top drop (dom drop): The low a dominant can feel after a scene, often with guilt, self-doubt or exhaustion. It is common and does not mean anything went wrong. Reassurance and aftercare for the dominant help.
Topspace: A focused, energized state a dominant may experience during a scene. It can feel powerful, but it may also make it harder to notice one's own limits or fatigue.
Traffic light system: A widely used set of safe words: red means stop immediately, yellow means slow down or check in, and green means everything is fine, continue.

V

Vanilla: Sex or relationships without kink or BDSM elements. The word is descriptive, not a judgment.

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