Key points
- Having a mental health condition does not mean you cannot consent
- In a crisis, judgment and consent can be affected
- Ask yourself: would I say yes to this on a good day?
- Pausing play is self-care, not failure or rejection
- Agree in advance on signs that mean it is time to pause
In detail
- Consider pausing during an acute crisis, after recent suicidal thoughts, during a manic or hypomanic phase, or when depression makes you seek pain as punishment
- In mania or hypomania, people may agree to things they would normally refuse. Partners should be cautious about new or intense activities in this phase
- If you want a scene to prove you are worthless, or you feel nothing at all, the scene is unlikely to help
- Medication changes can affect mood, pain sensitivity, bleeding, drowsiness and blood pressure. Wait until you know how a new medicine affects you
- Partners can name what they notice gently: "You seem very low this week. Do you want to pause play and do something calm together?"
- Keep closeness without play during a pause: cuddling, walks, watching something together
- Write a short plan into your agreements: warning signs, who notices, and how you restart
Warnings
- Thoughts of suicide or self-harm need immediate support from a crisis line or emergency services
- Using play to hurt yourself is a reason to stop and talk to a professional
- A partner should never use your condition to pressure or dismiss you
- Do not stop psychiatric medication without talking to your doctor
Resources and next steps
- Your doctor, psychiatrist or therapist
- The NCSF Kink Aware Professionals directory
- The crisis lines on the helplines page on this site
- Local emergency services if you are in immediate danger