What to say
I'd like to talk about something that's been bothering me. I've noticed you still interact a lot with your exes on social media, and I'll be honest that it makes me feel insecure. I'm not asking you to block anyone or pretend they don't exist.
For me, things like liking old photos or commenting often make me uncomfortable. I'd like to understand how you see it, too. Can we talk about what feels fair for both of us?
What to do next
Aim for understanding and compromise. Ask what these connections mean to your partner. Some people stay friendly with exes, co-parent with them, or share a long friendship history, and that's very different from frequent attention to someone they barely talk to anymore.
The Relationship Contract Builder can help you agree on what feels appropriate online for both of you: whether you follow exes, how you interact with their posts, and what you'll do if something makes either of you uncomfortable. Applying the same expectations to both of you keeps it fair.
Look at the bigger picture, too. If you feel secure in the relationship generally, a like might not matter much. If you're feeling disconnected in other ways, the social media activity may be a symptom of a larger need for reassurance, and it's worth talking about that directly.
If your partner won't discuss it at all, or keeps doing something after you've agreed on a change, it's fair to ask yourself whether your needs can be met here.
Safety first
It's a concern if raising this leads to being called crazy or paranoid in a way that makes you doubt your own perceptions, or if you're mocked or punished for having feelings. Your feelings are valid, even if the agreement you reach is a compromise.
It's equally important not to let insecurity turn into control. Demanding passwords, monitoring someone's accounts, or insisting they cut off everyone they've ever dated, including friends and co-parents, crosses into controlling behavior.
If either of you feels controlled, threatened, or unsafe, reach out to the helplines on our Safety page or talk with a counselor or therapist. If anyone is in immediate danger, contact local emergency services.
Tips
Talk about this face to face, not over text or in a comment thread, and pick a calm moment.
If you both want to, try a mutual social media check-in: each of you mentions any follows that make the other uncomfortable, and you decide together what to change. Keep it voluntary and two-way.
Limit how often you scroll through your partner's activity. Checking their likes again and again tends to feed anxiety rather than ease it.
Ask yourself what reassurance you're really looking for. Sometimes the answer is more quality time or affection, which your partner can offer directly.
Prevent this next time
A good conversation helps today. A shared tool helps you avoid the same knot next month.
An agreement turns what you talked about into something you can both come back to: limits, check-ins and what happens when something feels off.
Write an agreement togetherTags
- #social media
- #exes
- #jealousy
- #boundaries
- #insecurity
- #online boundaries