What to say
I want to talk about something that's been bothering me, and I'd like us to figure it out together. I've noticed you follow a lot of accounts that post really sexualized photos, and when I see them, I end up feeling insecure and a bit pushed aside.
I'm not trying to control what you do, but it does affect how I feel in our relationship. Could we talk about what we're each comfortable with online and find something that works for both of us?
What to do next
Following accounts like these isn't cheating, but it can still hurt, especially if it feels constant or happens while you're together. People vary a lot on this, and neither comfort level is wrong. What matters is whether you can find an agreement you both respect.
Try to describe the impact on you rather than labeling their behavior. The Relationship Contract Builder can help you both lay out what's okay around social media, including following, liking, and messaging.
It can also help to look inward. If these feelings tap into older insecurities, working through them on your own or with a therapist can make the conversation feel less charged.
If your partner dismisses your feelings outright after you've asked clearly, it's fair to ask yourself whether your needs can be met here.
Safety first
Following accounts is different from actively messaging or meeting people. If you discover hidden messaging, secret accounts, or lies about contact with others, that's a trust issue worth addressing directly.
No one should be controlling a partner's phone or online life through threats, constant monitoring, or demands for passwords. If either of you finds yourself doing that, or experiencing it, it's a sign to step back and get support.
If conversations about this lead to intimidation, threats, or anything that makes you feel unsafe, reach out to a counselor or therapist and the helplines on our Safety page. If anyone is in immediate danger, contact local emergency services.
Tips
Pick a neutral moment to raise this, not right after you've seen something that stung.
Be concrete about what would help. "Could you unfollow the most explicit accounts?" is easier to agree to than a vague "Stop doing that."
Limit how often you look at their phone or feed. Checking repeatedly tends to deepen anxiety rather than ease it.
Invest in what helps you feel secure, like quality time, affection, and your own confidence, alongside the conversation.
Prevent this next time
A good conversation helps today. A shared tool helps you avoid the same knot next month.
An agreement turns what you talked about into something you can both come back to: limits, check-ins and what happens when something feels off.
Write an agreement togetherTags
- #social media
- #thirst traps
- #insecurity
- #boundaries