What to say
I've been missing our phone calls lately. Texting is easy, but I really miss hearing your voice and having conversations that go somewhere, and I've been feeling a bit disconnected.
I'd love for us to set aside time to actually talk, even a short call a few times a week or a video chat. What would work for you?
What to do next
People drift toward texting for many reasons: busy days, phone anxiety, being in shared spaces, or simply habit. It doesn't automatically mean they care less. Asking what calling feels like for them can reveal a simple fix.
The User Manual tool can help you each share how you prefer to communicate and what helps you feel connected. You may find that you value voice and they value frequent small check-ins, and both can be honored.
Try scheduling calls instead of waiting for them to happen spontaneously. A regular time, even a short one, can rebuild that sense of connection.
If you've asked clearly and it keeps not happening, it's fair to ask yourself whether your needs for connection can be met here and to talk about that openly.
Safety first
On its own, preferring text is common and isn't a red flag. It becomes more concerning if it's paired with secrecy, like refusing calls in ways that seem designed to hide who they're with, or lying about where they are.
Also watch for the opposite pattern: a partner who demands constant calls or texts to track you. Communication should feel connecting, not controlling.
If you notice signs of control, threats, or intimidation in either direction, reach out to a counselor or therapist and the helplines on our Safety page. If anyone is in immediate danger, contact local emergency services.
Tips
Suggest a specific, low-effort plan, like a ten-minute call on the way home from work or a weekly video chat.
Mix it up with voice notes, which offer the warmth of hearing someone's voice without needing both people free at once.
Make calls feel easy and enjoyable rather than like a check-in or obligation. Share a story, plan something, or just catch up.
Appreciate what's working. If their texts are thoughtful and frequent, say so, while still asking for the voice time you miss.
Prevent this next time
A good conversation helps today. A shared tool helps you avoid the same knot next month.
A user manual tells your partner how you handle conflict, comfort and closeness, before the next misunderstanding happens.
Create your user manualTags
- #texting
- #phone calls
- #communication
- #connection
- #technology