What to say
I want to be clear about something important to me. I need us to use protection when we have sex. This isn't about whether I trust you; it's about my health and being able to relax during sex, and trust on its own doesn't prevent pregnancy or STIs.
If condoms don't feel good for you, I'm open to trying different sizes, materials or types together. What I'm not willing to do is have sex without protection right now. Can we figure out what works for both of us?
What to do next
Hold your boundary calmly and clearly. Your partner may be disappointed, but a respectful partner will accept it and look for solutions with you.
If you'd both like to stop using condoms someday, you can make that decision together: get tested, share results, agree on exclusivity, and choose another method of contraception if pregnancy is a concern. The Relationship Contract Builder can help you write down what you've agreed about sexual health.
If your partner keeps pushing, guilts you, or tries to sabotage contraception, that's reproductive coercion, and it's a serious form of control. You don't have to negotiate your health.
Safety first
Removing a condom during sex without agreement, sometimes called stealthing, is a serious violation of consent and is treated as sexual assault in many places. Tampering with birth control or pressuring you to get pregnant are also forms of abuse.
If this has happened, it isn't your fault. You can seek medical care for emergency contraception and STI testing, and a counselor or the helplines on our Safety page can help you think through next steps. If anyone is in immediate danger, contact local emergency services.
Tips
Keep a few condom types and sizes on hand, along with lubricant. Comfort and fit make a big difference, and trying options together can turn it into a shared project rather than a battle.
If pregnancy is a concern, consider talking with a healthcare provider about your own contraception options, while remembering that most methods don't protect against STIs.
Regular testing for both partners is a normal part of sexual health. Suggesting it together shows care, not suspicion.
Prevent this next time
A good conversation helps today. A shared tool helps you avoid the same knot next month.
An agreement turns what you talked about into something you can both come back to: limits, check-ins and what happens when something feels off.
Write an agreement togetherTags
- #condoms
- #protection
- #consent
- #sexual health
- #safer sex
- #reproductive coercion