Key points
- Write down what happened as soon as you can, with dates
- Keep messages and other records; do not delete chats
- A medical examination can document injuries even if you never report
- Reporting to the police is a choice, not a duty
In detail
- Notes: date, time and place, what was agreed, what happened, what you said or signaled (including safewords), what the other person said, who was nearby and how you felt afterward. Gaps are normal
- Date the notes and store them where the other person cannot reach them, such as an email to yourself
- Messages: save chats from before and after, including negotiation, apologies and excuses, with names and dates visible. Export whole conversations where possible
- Keep written negotiations and agreements, including any from the agreement builder on this site
- Medical care: a doctor or emergency department can treat injuries, test for STIs, offer PEP or emergency contraception and document injuries. Dated photos help too
- Forensic evidence is best collected within a few days. Many places store it without a police report, so you can decide later
- Counseling services for sexual violence are confidential and do not require you to report
- Event organizers and consent teams can act on a report, for example with a ban, without the police
Warnings
- In some countries, police must investigate a reported sexual offense even if you change your mind; get advice first if that matters to you
- Your experience counts even without evidence
- Do not confront the other person alone if you feel unsafe
- Kink does not make a violation less serious; consent to one thing is not consent to everything
Resources and next steps
- The helplines page on this site
- Sexual violence counseling centers and victim support organizations
- Hospitals and clinics offering confidential evidence collection
- A lawyer who works with survivors
- The police, if and when you choose