What to say
I'd like to talk about something that's been making me uncomfortable. When we're out, I sometimes notice you being really flirty with other people, like laughing extra hard at their jokes or touching them. I know you might see it as just being friendly, but in those moments I end up feeling invisible and a bit disrespected.
Can we talk about what each of us thinks is okay when we're interacting with other people? I'd like us to find boundaries that feel right for both of us. What does flirting mean to you?
What to do next
Pay attention to how your partner responds. If they listen and are willing to adjust, that's a great start. If they dismiss your feelings entirely, call you controlling for raising it, or keep doing the same thing after you've asked clearly, it's fair to ask yourself whether your needs can be met here.
Get specific about expectations. The Relationship Contract Builder can help you write down what each of you considers friendly, what crosses a line, and how you'll handle it if one of you feels uncomfortable in the moment. Make it mutual so the same agreements apply to both of you.
Also be honest with yourself about your own expectations. If you'd prefer your partner not talk with anyone attractive at all, that may be more restrictive than is fair. Look for a middle ground that respects both their personality and your comfort.
If you agree on boundaries and they're repeatedly ignored, that's a meaningful pattern. Leaving is a legitimate choice when your needs keep being disregarded.
Safety first
It moves beyond ordinary friction if your partner flirts deliberately to make you jealous, to test you, or to punish you after a fight, or if they mock you for being hurt. Using jealousy as a tool is a form of emotional manipulation.
It's also a concern if jealousy turns into controlling who someone talks to, what they wear, or where they go, or if either of you responds to flirting with threats or aggression. Healthy boundaries are agreed on together, not enforced through fear.
If you feel controlled, frightened, or unsafe, you can reach out to the helplines on our Safety page or talk with a counselor or therapist. If anyone is in immediate danger, contact local emergency services.
Tips
Bring it up later in private, not in the moment in front of others. A calm conversation at home is much more likely to go well.
Describe specific behaviors rather than using labels. "When you kept touching their knee" is easier to discuss than "You were all over them."
Try writing your boundaries in a simple format: "I'm comfortable with this, but not with that." Compare lists and look for overlap.
Agree on a discreet signal you can use when you're out together if something starts to feel uncomfortable, so you can talk about it later without making a scene.
Prevent this next time
A good conversation helps today. A shared tool helps you avoid the same knot next month.
An agreement turns what you talked about into something you can both come back to: limits, check-ins and what happens when something feels off.
Write an agreement togetherTags
- #flirting
- #boundaries
- #jealousy
- #respect
- #social situations