My partner has panic attacks and I don't know how to help: The Situation Room

My partner has panic attacks and I don't know how to help

You're not alone

During a panic attack, your partner might struggle to breathe, cry, shake, or say they feel like they're dying. You try to help, but nothing seems to work, and you're left feeling helpless and scared.

That's a hard thing to witness, and wanting to help is a loving instinct. You don't need to have all the answers. Learning what your partner needs, and what you need too, makes a real difference.

What to say

I want to be there for you when you have panic attacks, but I'm not always sure what helps. Could you tell me what you need in those moments? Would you like me to hold you, give you some space, breathe with you, or talk you through it?
I'd also love to know what helps you afterward, so I can support you through the whole thing. What would feel best to you?

Change the words until they sound like you. Pick a calm moment, not the middle of an argument.

What to do next

Panic attacks feel frightening but usually pass within minutes. Simple grounding tools can help, such as slow breathing together, the 5-4-3-2-1 technique (naming things you can see, hear, and feel), or holding something cold.

The User Manual tool is a great way for your partner to write down what helps and what doesn't, so you're not guessing in the moment.

Encourage your partner to see a doctor or therapist if they haven't already. Panic attacks are very treatable, and approaches such as cognitive behavioral therapy have strong evidence behind them. A medical check is also important, since some symptoms can overlap with physical conditions.

Safety first

If symptoms are unusual or severe, such as chest pain, fainting, or difficulty breathing that doesn't ease, or if this is a first episode, contact local emergency services or a doctor to rule out a medical cause.

If your partner talks about self-harm or suicide, take it seriously and seek help right away from local emergency services or the helplines on our Safety page. And if supporting them is wearing you down, or if their distress ever turns into threats or control, a counselor or therapist can help you look after yourself too.

Read the safety handbook Find a helpline

Tips

Stay calm and speak slowly. Avoid saying "calm down," which can make people feel worse, and try "I'm here, this will pass" instead.

Afterward, give your partner time to rest before talking about what happened.

Remember that you can't be their only support. Encourage professional help and look after your own wellbeing, because supporting someone you love takes energy.

Prevent this next time

A good conversation helps today. A shared tool helps you avoid the same knot next month.

A user manual tells your partner how you handle conflict, comfort and closeness, before the next misunderstanding happens.

Create your user manual

#anxiety
#panic attacks
#mental health
#support
#caregiving