What to say
I've been missing you lately, even when we're in the same room. When I'm talking and you're scrolling, I end up feeling like I'm not that important to you, and I don't think that's what you mean.
Could we try having some phone-free time together, like during meals or before bed? I'd really love to have more of your attention, and I'm happy to put mine away too.
What to do next
Frame this as something you both work on, not a problem only your partner has. Most people use their phones more than they realize, and starting with your own habits makes the conversation feel fair.
Agree on specific phone-free times and places, then check in after a couple of weeks about how it's going. The User Manual can help you each share what makes you feel connected and attended to.
Sometimes heavy scrolling is a way to cope with stress, anxiety, or low mood. If that seems true for your partner, gently ask how they're doing. If you've asked clearly and nothing changes, it's fair to think about what that means for your needs in this relationship.
Safety first
Phone use on its own isn't a safety issue. It becomes a concern if your partner hides their phone in ways tied to threats or intimidation, demands access to your phone or accounts, monitors your location, or controls who you talk to online. Those are signs of control, not ordinary conflict.
If you're experiencing any of that, a counselor or the helplines on our Safety page can help you think through your options. If anyone is in immediate danger, contact local emergency services.
Tips
Create phone-free zones, like the dinner table and the bedroom, and keep a charging spot outside the bedroom.
Try screen-time features or app limits together and compare your numbers at the end of the week, with curiosity rather than judgment.
Plan activities that naturally keep phones away, such as walks, cooking together, or board games. It's easier to put the phone down when there's something better to do.
Prevent this next time
A good conversation helps today. A shared tool helps you avoid the same knot next month.
A user manual tells your partner how you handle conflict, comfort and closeness, before the next misunderstanding happens.
Create your user manualTags
- #phone
- #social media
- #screen time
- #attention
- #quality time