What to say
I want to tell you about something that happened tonight. Someone touched me without asking, about an hour ago near the play area. I can describe them or point them out. I didn't agree to it, and I'm still pretty shaken.
I'm not sure yet what I want to happen next, but I want you to know, and I'd like to hear what my options are. Right now I'd like a quiet place to sit and someone to stay with me for a bit.
What to do next
In the moment, your first job is to take care of yourself. Step away, find your friend, a host or the event's consent team, and take a break or leave if you want to. Many events have hosts, dungeon monitors or a consent team who are there exactly for this. Telling them is your choice, and so is how much you share. Good organizers take reports seriously, keep your name private if you ask, and can remove someone or stop them from coming back.
While it's fresh, write down what happened: the time, the place, what was said, and who was nearby. You don't have to do anything with these notes, but they keep your options open.
In the days after, talk to someone you trust. Counseling services for sexual violence support people after unwanted touching too, not only after assault, and you don't need to have decided anything to call them. Touching someone sexually without consent can be a crime in many places, so going to the police is also an option if you choose it, now or later. Our Safety Handbook covers how to prepare for events, including buddy plans and how to signal that you need help.
Safety first
If it went further than a touch, if you're hurt, or if you think something was put in your drink, get medical care. In many places, a clinic can document injuries or collect evidence even if you haven't decided whether to report. If organizers dismiss you, blame you or protect the person because they're well known, that says something about the event, not about you.
You can talk things through confidentially with the helplines on our Helplines page. If anyone is in immediate danger, contact local emergency services.
Tips
Next time, consider going with a buddy and agreeing on a signal that means "come get me." When you arrive, find out who the hosts or consent team are, so you know where to go before you need them.
You never owe anyone an explanation for not wanting to be touched, and you're allowed to leave early. If you return to the same community, it's okay to ask organizers whether that person will be there before you decide to go.
Prevent this next time
A good conversation helps today. A shared tool helps you avoid the same knot next month.
Safe words, check-ins and aftercare give you a shared language for the moment something stops feeling okay.
Open the safety handbookTags
- #consent violation
- #play party
- #unwanted touching
- #reporting
- #community