Key points
- Consent at the start doesn't cover the entire scene
- Check in regularly throughout activities
- Consent can be withdrawn at any time
- Watch for non-verbal signs of distress
- Enthusiastic consent is required, not just the absence of a no
In detail
- Check in verbally: "Color?" (traffic light system)
- Watch body language: tensing, pulling away, going quiet, breathing changes
- Consent to one activity doesn't mean consent to related activities
- Previous consent doesn't imply future consent
- Communicate before changing activities or intensity
- If in doubt, stop and check in
- Consent must be freely given, enthusiastic, informed, specific, and reversible
- Anything less than an enthusiastic yes should be treated as a no
Warnings
- Continuing without ongoing consent is a consent violation and can constitute assault
- People may freeze or stop communicating when overwhelmed
- Silence is not consent
- Subspace can impair judgment, so check in more often
- Dominants are responsible for monitoring consent
Resources and next steps
- Learn to read body language
- Practice checking in during vanilla activities
- Develop automatic checking-in habits
- Discuss what withdrawal of consent looks like for each person