Polyamorous BDSM Contract

Defining the polyamorous configuration:

Polyamory Style:

• ☐Hierarchical Polyamory
  • Primary partner(s):
  • Secondary partner(s):
  • Tertiary/Other:
  • Primary has veto power: Yes / No
  • Primary gets priority for:

• ☐Non-Hierarchical Polyamory
  • All partners have equal standing
  • No primaries or secondaries
  • Decisions made collaboratively
  • Time divided by need, not rank

• ☐Solo Polyamory
  • Each person maintains autonomy
  • No relationship escalator expectations
  • Freedom to define each relationship individually

• ☐Kitchen Table Polyamory
  • All partners/metamours friendly
  • Comfortable gathering together
  • Integrated polycule

• ☐Parallel Polyamory
  • Partners don't interact with each other
  • Separate relationships maintained
  • Minimal metamour contact

• ☐Other:

Relationship Map:
Draw or describe the current polycule structure:

Person A is in relationship with:
Person B is in relationship with:
Person C is in relationship with:
[Continue as needed]

Power Dynamic Structure:

Partner A with Partner B: [A Dominant, B submissive / Switch / Equal]
Partner A with Partner C:
Partner B with Partner C:

Can roles change between partners? Yes / No
Example: A is dominant to B but submissive to C

Living Arrangements:

• ☐All living together
• ☐Some live together:
• ☐All live separately
• ☐Nesting partners:
• ☐Other:

Relationship Agreements:
Do all partners need to meet: Yes / No / Eventually
Do all partners need to approve new partners: Yes / No / Input valued
Is this a closed polycule (no new partners): Yes / No / Under discussion

Managing consent and safety across multiple partners:

Sexual Health & Safety:

STI Testing Requirements:

• Frequency: Every months
• After any new sexual partner
• Full panel includes:
• Results shared with: All partners / Affected partners / Private
• Test results required before: Fluid bonding / Unprotected sex / Any sex

Safer Sex Practices:

• ☐Barriers (condoms) required with: All partners / New partners / Outside partners
• ☐Fluid bonding allowed with: Primary only / All partners after testing / No one
• ☐Dental dams for oral: Required / Recommended / Not required
• ☐Gloves for: Manual penetration / Blood play / Not required
• ☐Other barriers:

Toy Hygiene:

• ☐Each partner has dedicated toys (not shared)
• ☐Shared toys cleaned thoroughly between partners
• ☐Condoms on shared toys
• ☐Boiling/sterilizing protocol:
• ☐Porous toys not shared

Consent for New Partners:
Adding a new partner to the polycule requires:

• ☐Discussion with all existing partners first
• ☐Unanimous agreement from all
• ☐Majority agreement
• ☐Notification but not permission
• ☐Primary partner approval only
• ☐Individual autonomy: no permission needed
• ☐Time period: [Must wait days after discussion]

Boundaries Between Partners:

Partner A's Boundaries:

• Activities exclusive to specific partners:
• Off-limits activities:
• Need to know before Partner B does X:
• Other boundaries:

Partner B's Boundaries:
[Same structure]

Partner C's Boundaries:
[Same structure]

Information Sharing:

What must be shared with all partners:

• ☐New sexual partners
• ☐Changes in safer sex practices
• ☐STI exposure or diagnosis
• ☐Major relationship milestones
• ☐Changes to agreements
• ☐Safer sex barrier failures
• ☐Other:

What is private to each relationship:

• ☐Intimate details of other relationships
• ☐Sexual specifics
• ☐Private conversations
• ☐Other:

Group Scenes & Activities:

Group BDSM play (3+ people):

• ☐Allowed with all partners' consent
• ☐Not allowed
• ☐Only with specific combinations:

Requirements for group scenes:

• All participants consent enthusiastically
• Boundaries negotiated in advance
• Safe words for each person
• Aftercare plan for everyone
• Clear roles and expectations
• Other:

Balancing multiple relationships ethically:

Time Sharing:

Hierarchical Time Division:

• ☐Primary partner gets: % of time
• ☐Secondary partners get: % of time
• ☐Flexible based on needs
• ☐Other:

Non-Hierarchical Time Division:

• ☐Equal time split between all partners
• ☐Based on individual relationship needs
• ☐Based on life circumstances (who needs support)
• ☐Negotiated week by week
• ☐Other:

Scheduling System:

• ☐Shared calendar all partners can see
• ☐Individual scheduling with each partner
• ☐Regular scheduled dates with each:
  • Partner A: [Weekly Friday, etc.]
  • Partner B:
  • Partner C:

• ☐Overnight stays distributed:
• ☐Holidays and special occasions:
• ☐Flexibility for emergencies: Built in

Quality Time Expectations:
Minimum time with each partner:

• Partner A: hours per week / month
• Partner B:
• Partner C:

One-on-one time: Required / Preferred / Not necessary
Group time: Required / Preferred / Not necessary

Communication Schedule:
Daily check-in with: All partners / Primary / As needed
Weekly deeper conversation with:
Monthly relationship review with: Each partner individually

Conflict Resolution:

When conflict arises between two partners:

1. Direct communication between affected parties first
2. No triangulating through other partners
3. Mediator if needed: [Neutral metamour, therapist, etc.]
4. Time frame to address: Within days
5. Resolution before involving others: Preferred / Required
6. Other:

When conflict involves multiple partners:

1. Group meeting with all affected parties
2. Each person speaks without interruption
3. Focus on needs and feelings, not blame
4. Collaborative problem-solving
5. Written agreements if needed
6. Follow-up check-in after time

Jealousy & Insecurity:
How to handle difficult feelings:

• Communicate directly with partner experiencing them
• Reassurance and comfort provided
• Examine root causes together
• Adjust behaviors if needed
• Compersion cultivation strategies
• Individual therapy if persistent
• Support from metamours if comfortable
• Other:

Emergency Protocols:
If partner has emergency (medical, crisis):

• Who is notified:
• Who has medical decision-making:
• Priority protocol:
• Other partners' roles:

Exit Strategies:
If one relationship needs to end:

• How it affects other relationships:
• Can other relationships continue: Yes / No / Depends
• Transition period:
• Ongoing metamour relationship:

Polycule Agreements:
We commit to:

• ☐Honest, transparent communication
• ☐Treating all partners with respect
• ☐Honoring all boundaries
• ☐Regular relationship maintenance
• ☐Consent as top priority
• ☐Supporting each other's growth
• ☐Celebrating compersion
• ☐Managing jealousy healthily
• ☐Ethical non-monogamy principles
• ☐BDSM safety for all
• ☐Other: